| December 15, 2004 It still hasn’t hit me yet…
I’m at a total loss for words… Rest in Peace Dime! You’ll never know who you’ve influenced in a positive way! Rest in Peace!  Darrell Lance Abbott, a.k.a. Dimebag Darrell August 20, 1966 - December 8, 2004 (Photo: Gnarly Charlie / KNAC.com) |
| December 8, 2004 Got some more work done on me and Scotty’s
album…I think you’ll all dig it…It kinda’
sounds like “Crying on the Inside Clown”
but with many more hooks, Simon and Fucknuckle
harmonies, and some fucked up shit…I’m pretty
excited about it though…Its been fun and
I think that it will open a whole new door
up to you guys to see how fucked up songwriters
are…(Luckily, I’m not one…)…
Workin’ on a ton of new originals and covers for my acoustic nights…Some that may even shock you… Would like to give props to Bonk for putting together a great show and for the great turnout… Got some weird responses from last week’s rant…Maybe I’ll do another outline of one of my other tapes soon…Who knows… On to the subject at hand… Been a busy little bee…Of course, I’m a worker bee…I wouldn’t want to be the queen…Babies are stupid… It really sucks that I can’t always say what I really want to say to all of you…But, a tightrope is a very strange place to be…I’m pretty outspoken on most accounts but I really doubt if some of you truly know how I feel about certain subjects… There have been many clues I’ve conveniently left along the way whether it be in songs, rants, or other means of tomfoolery…And of course you won’t know because I don’t want to offend anymore than I already do… Some may call me a coward, pussy, or sex machine (oops…I meant to say wimp) for not doing so but I am the turtle that is patient and will hopefully win the race… And ladies, don’t forget my birthday is coming up in a few weeks…(I suggest handjobs or anything else that relates to my “little friend” throwing up wiener milk…Uh…When I said “Little friend”, I meant to say “Decent sized friend”…oh…who cares…it gets me off right? I’m not s’posed to care about your needs, right? I’m a big, rich, rock star…) Or something… I went back and read some old rants for the fuck of it… I kinda’ lost my sense of humor, didn’t I? Maybe…Maybe not…Maybe I just haven’t really taken the time to try as hard… Just like now…I’m in between 4 different menial tasks that “need” to be done…And I have a million more to do… I can’t quite focus…Maybe I need Zoloft…Or viagra…Or something…I can never figure out which pill is for what anyway…Why don’t they just say on the commercial “we work on yellow toenail fungus” or “take this for your burning peepee…” Why does it seem like every band has someone that wears a CBGB shirt? Odds are, they’ve never been there, never will be there, and don’t even play the type of music that the club hosts…I don’t own a CBGB shirt…But then again, I have no fashion sense at all… And lest we forget a bald guy in every band…oops…Ok…we have that one but ours is way cuter than everyone else’s… But have we got what we need? I’ve got what I need right now… The end of the day…The end of one chore…The end of it all… not death…Not yet… Even though it does seem that I’m really just working to make sure I have enough money to pay for my own funeral…Even if that sounds morbid, its really quite sweet…That way my family doesn’t have to pay for it…I would appreciate that if I were them…And of course if I don’t have enough for that, they can have a huge garage sale of all of my shit…It’s kind of like a thrift store…You might find some kind of treasure…At least a treasure to you…Like my comic books…Or my porn…Or my homemade porn…Or… Fuck it… There’s too much goin’ on right now… But my kitty loves me…And that’s all I need right now…Even though he’s cemented my opinion on children…Which is that I NEVER want any… ”Never say never”…Uh…FUCKING NEVER! Uh…Fuck it… I gotta’ go… Have a good one… |
| December 1, 2004 Ok…Sorry I’ve been slacking lately…I suppose
you’re all expecting a novel…What a novel
idea, eh?
Oops…There’s that Canadian “eh” again…Sorry Delmar… Lots to talk about…Lots to rave about…Lots to rant about…Lots of words that should be placed in front of the actual content to build suspense like these sentences here…(you like that shit, don’t ya’?) There are tons of things on my “little recorder” that I should bring out… But when will I ever shut up? At least I’m not like some other pudgy singers that I hate already and don’t even know…Who the fuck do you think you are? Anyway…Listening to my recorder right now…Let’s see what words of wisdom I had to say lately? Hmmm…I’m talking about intros to shows…Opening things…Skits…Damn, this tape is old…But what fun ideas…Like my Karate Kid opening…More later on this…Maybe you’ll see it in this lifetime…Maybe I’ll do it in this lifetime…Who knows… I miss the smell of a girl on my pillow… A joke band name…Gynosaur… All of my favorite rockstars are dead except for me… She always wants to say something so profound but she hasn’t found it yet… Drum ideas… Dumb lyrics… Its not that she wants to catch more bees with her honey…She wants to catch all of the bees… Drunken planet jarble… A new planet named “Sharon”? When will we see God? I’m brilliant because I summarize life… Most geniuses are unattractive… My life is cursed to naps… True geniuses are people that ask questions that nobody else has the nuts to ask… All the best dreams are unattainable…or they don’t pay no money… On a torture wheel, everbody’s top heavy… More song ideas… Demo ideas… Hatching schemes to get ahead in the biz… Actual taping of “Sleepwalkers”…Totally different than the way I recorded it… Funny how things change over time…Either on purpose or because I’m stupid… Just sitting listening makes me have more ideas to either put on tape or tape on tape…Does that make sense? Probably not… I’m always trying to multi-task…That’s how I fell into this whole singing farce… You would understand if you were me because you don’t understand why you’re you… Are you able to sleep at night? More cocky shit…It scares me how amazing I am sometimes…I wish I could bang myself…Not really… 20th of January…Martin wit’ some booty… Historical significance back before I thought that print was dead… I used to read…I read used books…I used to learn…Now I learn things that are already used… The swastika is a symbol for fertility in India… Banter and opinions about alternative lifestyles… Great irony about myself…I don’t have that much in common with that many people…Or at least I tell myself that…I can’t give or accept much from a conversation… I am just the fact checker that lives the life others may or may not want… Shit talkers…Talk shit…Its just that simple… I either have too many feelings or I don’t have any at all…Why is that? Its dying… I’m a hypochondriac when it comes to love… You take away a little more hope that is actually fuel for the desire to succeed more… I am recycled…Once crumpled up, it will never be exactly the same… Song ideas with palindromes… You’re a whore… Reminder to self… Let’s go somewhere where no one knows us so neither will have that sense of pride that you actually are showing the other person off to the world… Kettle ideas…Snare ideas…Song ideas…Video ideas…Bar ideas… Being a chauvinistic pig…This in no way condones violence towards women, just tell the bitch to shut up… Violence…Sex… A family tree of my flaws…One of these days… Pissed off rant…Some dirty whore cut me off…I was really mad…Fuck her… !You’ve heard it before…In a previous rant…Whore… We’re all too trusting…Rubber…can save lives… Healthy food can save lives…Don’t think about it…Stay stupid… Don’t be totally paranoid…Closer to the padded room… Blow me… Fatass Rush…Take Anti-lardass pills… Jokes…I’m bald…Got too of ‘em right here… Tom sings to me…What a country…A beautiful thing…Should be released on an album… Don’t steal any of my ideas even though I probably stole them from someone else subconsciously…Sorry… Tom still sings to me… Working with my announcing voice…What a poet…The next item up for bid is questioning things that I already know the answer to… *Philosophy of rest… Lick my ass… Trampon…You keep bleeding me…Please pass the bottle of period… t-shirt ideas… Please wear a rubber… AM/FM Mourning…ranting about how much Jets suck…I would rather listen to those Hawaiian kids than the ripoffs of today… Goddamn, I’m popular… I don’t want to fall in love…Nurses would be blessed to examine me… I’m so fuckin’ lazy…Just tuck it away… More breakthroughs in my psychosis…Too bad it’s me that is getting shrunk and being the shrink… I’m so alone…In the ghetto… The Majority of the people in the world are ugly…People are scum…I hate people…People make me sick…But I love my kitty… @The irony of Radio personalities: Michael McDonald singing the ABC song would be like heaven… Ghetto questions…You have to hear it to believe it…White t-shirts…No condoms, son! You lose all the feelin’! I don’t give change to anyone…I ask for change or a cigarette first so they’ll think I’m fucking crazy…If they only knew…You’d have to hear it to believe it…Get a job… Why am I wondering what I’m wondering when I already know the answer? Conducting experiments in the ‘hood…You owe me…I owe you? Thank you for holding the door…I’m still so popular… #Billboards can say it all…Dr. Fat…”The Weight is over”… My downfall…Pillars…Don’t trust anyone…Not even yourself… There is no such thing as a soul mate…As long as you’re pacified for the night, that’s all you need, right? Am I smothering some? Am I trying too hard for some… I have to slow down…Watch for deer…Watch for dear… Harry London…Good cookies or amazing adult film actor? A lot less stress… Feel like dog shit…Took the day off… 3 Strikes and you’re out? Probably…But you might be able to pinch hit later… Get the leen on… Future plans with theories of isolation… Drink and smoke it out or get some rest? SMOKE…DRINK… $The obesity issue…of course… Singing to myself…and I’m not even in the shower…Maybe because I bathe… I sound like Luther Vandross when I want to… I’m not really a skeptic, I’m just a “believing epileptic”… Confusing bumper stickers…Please someone tell me… Acting like I can’t hear someone so I don’t have to talk to them…I’m so horrible… More lines…It’s snowing again… Cliff is the king…I love singles… Keep talking shit about me… Most stereotypes are true… Money is the most important thing in the fucking world… More obesity… Everyone looks good from far away…I can’t wait for corrective laser eye surgery… The states of America cuz we’re not really United anymore… I caught her eyes…I’ll cauterize her wound… !The previous rant can be found on Sept. 23, 2003 @The irony of radio personalities is as simple as this: Most don’t have a good personality…Ha…And they have to bribe their listeners or hire actors because its way too unbelievable that anyone in the world actually thinks those motherfuckers are funny…How can these fucks have a job? With their fake ass voices and laughs…They’re so retarded that I can’t even make fun of them…Fucks… Cheesedicks that aren’t funny…Radio sucks dick…We’re forced to listened to garbage all of the time…Instead of the FCC worrying about our defenseless little morals being tainted, why don’t they worry about shitty music being pounded down our throats by fuckwad djs that probably don’t know shit about music because they’re too busy writing their 5th grade jokes that wouldn’t even make a 2nd grader laugh…Fucks… Canned laughter…Go ahead and laugh! It’s ok to do that, but why would I when nothing is funny except for the fact that you’re trying to lump me in with the zombies that listen to the applause sign… *The Philosophy of rest for me…I find that I don’t think that we really “know” how to sleep…I think that when our bodies get tired enough that our brain has somehow trained us to find a certain spot on our bodies that sort of turns off our switch…Sometimes when I lie on my side and put my head in my hands, I feel like sleeping more than I would if I were in the fetal position crying like normal…Just kidding…Some people’s spots are on their backs…A minute spot on their back that allows total relaxation and real rest… My relaxation is finding ways to avoid relaxation… But seriously…I think we have a switch…Some people have more switches than others…Some people’s brains have taught them exactly where those switches are so that its not a big deal to go to sleep for them…I, on the other hand, have realized that my switches are moving constantly and I can never seem to get a handle on them…If only my switch to go to sleep was my penis…Then I could get some rest since I have a handle on that all of the time… I’m broken…Are you? Does this explain anything to you? Like how fucked up I am? Nah…Just another tidbit that I’ve created in my head and convinced myself is true because of the pedestal that I’ve created, built, and have been stranded on for so many years… #May 19, 2004 can explain this pound sign… $Of course you can find this (marked with the almighty dollar sign) on July 6, 2004 I just realized that this “rant” is pretty much a “greatest hits” rant like they do on stupid ass sitcoms when they don’t want to do a show and they just show clips… Sorry…And you’re welcome…Don’t ever forget… Just a tiny glimpse into side one of a collection… Have a great week! |
| November 7, 2004 Have you ever really read lyrics? Do you
know how dirty and bad some lyrics can be?
Do you know how deceiving some lyrics can
be? Do you know how miserable singers or
lyricists usually are? Look between the lines…Some
of my favorites are the lyrics to “King for
a day, fool for a lifetime” by Faith no more…If
you knew the story (or at least the story
that I heard, you’d gasp…Not because you
were shocked, just because you should gasp…)…I
really also enjoy every single group of letters
I’ve put together in neat little stanzas…Not
Costanzas, Hesskestein, Nicholsberg, and
Tom…
What do you really mean when you say to someone “I love him/her to death, BUT…”…Do you ever feel really cheated? Do you ever feel that you think you know but in reality, you don’t have a clue? This is my entire existence…My paranoia is getting worse and worse every day that I’m stuck sucking in oxygen into the corroded lungs that make me lose my breath for some reason…I don’t know a goddamn thing…I know what’s really going on but then again, I don’t…Huh? I know what the fuck you’re all looking at…What? What did you say? I heard you all whispering about me… I have to check my lock 3 times before leaving and then I still think about all of the Popsicle stick sculptures in my apartment that I’ve made and how all of you want to get your hands on them and sell them on the Popsicle stick sculpture black market…I know…Don’t think I don’t see through your façade… Or…I’m developing some handy habits that could lead to OCD…Isn’t that the show on Fox with all the hot bitches on the beach? Oh no…I was thinking about the “Parkers: Episode Super Size: The Parkers go to the Acapulco Health Spa”…Yum…The parkers…More disgusting “Americans”… Do you ever think that most lyricists are actually pirates that want their treasure to be found but they have to make the map a little difficult to read just because that’s their personality? Its true…At least it is right fucking now because I’m saying it…Look at how cynical most songwriters are…Look at how they act in real life…Refer back to a rant some months ago where I described a few different types of singers/songwriters… But I forgot about the really talented ones, of course…Or you could realize that I talk and type out of my ass(which kind of makes my keyboard stink like shit)… Which one do you prefer? I’m gonna’ go heat up a Big Buford…Since I’m such a lard ass I’ll heat up my Big Buford…No sexual undertones here…Just gonna’ throw the leftover sandwich I have in the Oven of the 90’s because I’m a porker… Mmmm…That was yummy…So…What the fuck did you fuckers say about me while I was gone? Not telling, eh? Oh well…Fuck you…I’ll just write a song about you but I’ll hide the meaning in the sand just enough that you won’t be able to dig yourself out of it… Look at real meaning…Like what Oderus Urungus of Gwar sings about…I love Gwar…They rock…They’re fun…But then again…So is fucking…Or so I’ve heard… Remember, I’m “waiting”… I would so much like to be beautiful in the eyes of others…And not necessarily in the outside physical appearance…Unfortunately, that will never happen…In my own mind…It might be true in your eyes…But not in mine…And that is just another rib in the condom of the fucking of myself…I’m sorry…But it sure feels good, doesn’t it? There is so much that I have to offer…I just can’t do it…Why, you ask? Or…Maybe…Why do I have to sit through that fuckin’ cat eating hot dogs and popcorn before a movie? Well…You really don’t have to do either…Ask, or sit through that shit… So don’t…Even though I have to check my lock over and over again before I leave, the key will always be in my pocket and my pocket alone…Don’t bother looking under the mat…That’s my heart anyway… And I’d like to thank everyone in the world for helping me shape my views: good or bad… Just don’t always believe what you read, see, hear, or feel…Because everyone’s gonna’ be watching out no matter how close or far away… But the best part about this rant is that you might think you know what the fuck I’m talking about…But then you should probably realize that you’re not even close to the treasure… Keep looking for the X…It might mark the spot…But odds are it is just a target that I’ve painted on myself for everyone to take aim at… |
| October 31, 2004 Let’s get retarded…Let’s get stupid in here…Let’s
get political…
So I added a poll on the message board…A few have already voted…Last week was interesting…Everywhere I went, I actually asked people who they were gonna’ vote for…Quite a landslide of the opinions that I received…Only one person said the opposite… And I will not tell you who I’m voting for because I’m not gonna’ vote…I’ll tell you why I’m not voting later…But at this juncture, the 1,000 points of light will be the focus… Do you read the papers? I don’t…I don’t know the last time I read a “news”paper… Do you watch the “news”? I don’t…I don’t know the last time I watched the “news”… What are you sources that base your opinion on current events? Is it water cooler opinions that sway you from others that watch the news and read the paper? Have you formed your own opinions from watching and reading yourself? Or have you been extremely affected by current events? Many have…Many haven’t…Many believe that have even though they haven’t…Many believe they haven’t even though they have… Have I? That’s for me to decide and I won’t tell you whether or not I think I have…And its not because I’m a pussy or a coward…It is simply for reasons that will be later in the rant… But back to last week…I’m wondering a few things about this upcoming election: We all hear how close of a race it is from our wonderful media sources but I’m not sure if they’re accurate…And here’s why…They say the race is neck and neck…Every single person except for one said they were swaying a certain way…So many people I’ve talked to are voting for a certain person…The “polls” that “they” take to give us the figure in the first place isn’t really described enough to make me believe that info is true… The people that take those polls are the full on people that are totally gung ho about the upcoming decision…Those are the people that have and always will be first in line to put their opinion in the hopper…But I think this time will be different…The young people don’t have time for that shit…But I think they will on Tuesday…I think there will be a sneak attack of so many more people that don’t usually or have never voted this Tuesday…The young people are hiding in their foxholes ready for the attack in my opinion…I could be wrong but I don’t know how I couldn’t be right… And the reason I’m taking the supposed journalist approach is for a few different reasons…Because I just want to dance… But seriously… You can do whatever you want to on Tuesday…I’m not gonna’ try to sway you either which way…I’m not gonna’ tell you who I would vote for if I was…I’m not gonna’ get on my soapbox and preach to you who the best candidate for the job will be…I’m not gonna’ endorse anyone except for myself… For reasons a while ago, I never voted because I didn’t want to go to jury duty…I don’t want to play God in that arena…But I heard they changed that whether you register to vote or not…And I saw that Pauly Shore movie and figure I’d either get saddled with a dick like that or I’d end up being that dick… The other reason I’m not going to do any of that is because of exactly what Howard said the other morning…He was talking about all of the musicians that are coming forward encouraging everyone to vote on Tuesday and shit…And that’s fine and dandy…That’s their shit…But the truth of the conversation was this: What happened to the days when rockstars didn’t give a fuck about anything…That’s what made them rockstars…They didn’t have anything on their agendas except for rockin’ out, bangin’ chicks, and doing whatever excesses come with the territory that puts them on the pedestal they are on in so many people’s eyes…And I’m not saying I’m a rockstar (even though I said it many times in WVA last weekend in a drunken state just to check some bitches…Skin to win…) So that’s why I’m not voting…that’s why I’m not putting my hat in the ring…That’s why I’m not gonna’ tell you who to vote for…You have to make that decision on your own…Or don’t…I don’t really give a fuck…I just want to concentrate on being a rockstar…Fuck it… Good luck to whoever you want to have good luck…I don’t care…And good luck to me… Welp…Gotta’ go rock, bang bitches, and whatever else I should be doing… VOTE FOR DONLEY! |
| October 24, 2004 Goddamn, we’re broke…
What it takes to run a rock and roll band is exciting… Hatching new ideas to try and make some money to keep the rock machine rolling is truly an exercise in futility… Here’s a few ideas we’ve come up with…Tell me what you think: 1. Sindust Asian Prostitute Ring…Sure we’ve had this idea for a couple of years now but have never gone through with it…Look at the facts though…For only $2,000, you can get yourself a nice Asian girl and you should be able to make the money back in about 2 days…The paperwork is a bitch though… 2. The good ‘ol trusty Sindust bake sale…Unfortunately, we don’t do drugs so we really can’t offer any good “snacks” that would take the county by storm…(Little Debbie watch out in the future…) 3. Sindust Kissing Booth…Ok…Nevermind…We wouldn’t make any money doing that… 4. Sindust Calendar…Do ya’ think the ladies would love a picture of me in my fireman’s uniform? Tom as a construction worker…Maybe A-hole as an electrician…And Lego as a West Virginian…(Just kidding Lego..)…Probably not… 5. A big show that would take too much effort and time to put together with not enough help…Nevermind on that one…I’d rather place all of my chips on the Browns… 6. Sindust Home Neutering Kit…Licensed with a stamp of approval from moi’…Maybe it could work… 7. Sindust Turkey Basters…For any holiday or inseminating you may have to do this year… 8. Sindust Maid for a day service…Of course, Tom or A-hole would take the lead on this venture since they’re both so anal…Those crazy kids just love to clean… 9. Sindust phone sex line…Have you ever heard me talk dirty…It is truly a sound you will never be able to get out of your head…Sounds kind of like a chicken… 10. Or we can go steady and by the skin of our balls like we have been…Diligently working on the new record, playing a few shows here and there and struggling as much as ever…But the new, new, new songs are really coming together nicely…Like my mustache… Of course “they” say the bands that can make it through the battle can possibly win the war…But they also say “Do you mind if we dance wif’ yo’ dates”… Funny stories about a few quality bands as of late…Almost getting in the business of throwing towels and then something happens…I don’t even have any towels…Believe me, this can be stressful when you have to use toilet paper to dry off after a shower…or just drip dry like the dishes… Steady she goes… Go…the cars will stop…Just go… Other than that…I’ve been up to the same shenanigans as I always am…And I promise that as soon as the Sindust record is done, I will be finishing up Crying on the Inside Clown as well as a little treat that Vladdy and I had fun working on…A sad Mexican love letter from hell will have you weeping in your tequila…I promise… And I hate to make my sponsor proud, but I haven’t even had much time to drink lately…Just kidding…Not about the drinking part; I really haven’t…I was talking about the sponsor part…I guess I’m just too risky to sponsor…Whatever the fuck that means… A good 12 step program is what I need…even though I’m not sure I actually need 12 steps…How about 6 fuckin’ lottery numbers…That would solve everything, right? Because you all know that money can buy you happiness…or at least the hottest bitches…and your way out of jail…and a new Berettalade…And a home studio…And a few more Asian Prostitutes…I’m tellin’ ya’…If I had the resources, I’d be a fuck of an entrepreneur… I know I’ve been taking it a little easy in some of your eyes as of late but I really haven’t…I’ve been fuckin’ as busy as a Sindust Asian Prostitute… Wasn’t Saturday night fun though? We brought out a bunch of those new, new, new songs that I was talking about…But there’s more… And of course I’ve been really inspired as of late for some reason…I’ve been writing like crazy and learning a ton of shit for my acoustic nights…it’ll be a hoot…trust me… or don’t…Your call… Does anyone want to take me by the hand and take me to where I need to be? This is an actual invitation…Please respond…RSVP…Does anyone know what that means? I’d be curious to bet that a lot of you don’t…Just remember that the French are assholes… There will some interesting fun tidbits on the internet very soon to whet your appetites for pictures of me in a speedo… Or not… who knows… See ya’ soon kitten… Cuddles… |
Happy Sweetest Day…everyone…
Especially American Greetings, Hallmark, FTD, Fanny Farmer, Godiva, Vermont Teddy Bear, The most absurd thing I’ve ever heard from those fucks that try to get you to buy a star, and most of all, everyone…
Have a good one…
A better rant next week…I promise…
Especially American Greetings, Hallmark, FTD, Fanny Farmer, Godiva, Vermont Teddy Bear, The most absurd thing I’ve ever heard from those fucks that try to get you to buy a star, and most of all, everyone…
Have a good one…
A better rant next week…I promise…
Does anything matter?
I like what I do, but I’m very envious of others that do things that I think would be fun…
There are so many little cliques that we’re not allowed in and I’m not totally sure why…I guess its because we’re not totally pissed at the world all of the time (or pretending to be so we can scream in every song)…Melody kills…apparently…
but at least their feet are moving…at least they’re acting like they’re moving…They’re not all looking down at their hands while the feet are firmly planted in the same place during the entire death of melody…
What is the key?
Total arrogance even if you can’t back it up? Self-esteem sucks…my own ears suck…My toilet’s pressure can suck down your arm if you don’t watch out…
There isn’t much hope in alliances…There isn’t much hope in hope…But up with hope and down with dope…
We’ve always been the outcasts…Totally…We’ve always been the band you love to hate…We’re the band that you say hello to and then talk shit about behind our backs…We’ve always been the band that are the darlings of priests, chubby girls, and sheep…We’ve always been the band that locked themselves out from the cliques…
Because of paranoia perhaps? Because of reality? Maybe…But I don’t think we’ve really locked ourselves out…I’ve think we’ve been locked out…And that’s fine…
For a few simple reasons (that it is fine):
We have ourselves and that’s pretty cool to me…We have a great time together…
We have those of you that do believe and enjoy what we do…And we have a great time together…
It may not be much to some but that’s ok with me…I’ll take friends over trendy cliques that could harm us more than hurt us…
It is true that we’re stubborn bastards that may have too much melody…We may not write every song to be a pissed off anthem for the next generation that doesn’t realize that the idols up on the pedestals were (dare I say it)seniors when the were in 5th grade…
But there are so many twists and turns to take into account…
Like why the position that we’re in could be worse…Being the band that you love to hate just makes it that much better if we change your mind…If we don’t, then it was never meant to be…
I try to make new “friends” but it really is hard…I find that I don’t have that much in common with too many people…Especially when I don’t really want to take the time to create new memories with people in the “cool crowd” that will understand inside jokes and our sense of humor…I’ve kind of realized that we are different…We are the minority…Not because we’re Irish-German, Lebonese and German, Irish and Indian, and West Virginian (just kidding, Lego)…Or whatever the fuck we all are…We’re the minority because we apparently bring it on ourselves…We enjoy our own brand of branding…We can see the talons before they even come out…
I…I…I…Have developed a stutter…
Have I said any of this before?
We’ll form our own army? A small army…But we’ll have the best food in the mess hall…Nothing really matters…Except for Urkel on Family Matters…
I like what I do, but I’m very envious of others that do things that I think would be fun…
There are so many little cliques that we’re not allowed in and I’m not totally sure why…I guess its because we’re not totally pissed at the world all of the time (or pretending to be so we can scream in every song)…Melody kills…apparently…
but at least their feet are moving…at least they’re acting like they’re moving…They’re not all looking down at their hands while the feet are firmly planted in the same place during the entire death of melody…
What is the key?
Total arrogance even if you can’t back it up? Self-esteem sucks…my own ears suck…My toilet’s pressure can suck down your arm if you don’t watch out…
There isn’t much hope in alliances…There isn’t much hope in hope…But up with hope and down with dope…
We’ve always been the outcasts…Totally…We’ve always been the band you love to hate…We’re the band that you say hello to and then talk shit about behind our backs…We’ve always been the band that are the darlings of priests, chubby girls, and sheep…We’ve always been the band that locked themselves out from the cliques…
Because of paranoia perhaps? Because of reality? Maybe…But I don’t think we’ve really locked ourselves out…I’ve think we’ve been locked out…And that’s fine…
For a few simple reasons (that it is fine):
We have ourselves and that’s pretty cool to me…We have a great time together…
We have those of you that do believe and enjoy what we do…And we have a great time together…
It may not be much to some but that’s ok with me…I’ll take friends over trendy cliques that could harm us more than hurt us…
It is true that we’re stubborn bastards that may have too much melody…We may not write every song to be a pissed off anthem for the next generation that doesn’t realize that the idols up on the pedestals were (dare I say it)seniors when the were in 5th grade…
But there are so many twists and turns to take into account…
Like why the position that we’re in could be worse…Being the band that you love to hate just makes it that much better if we change your mind…If we don’t, then it was never meant to be…
I try to make new “friends” but it really is hard…I find that I don’t have that much in common with too many people…Especially when I don’t really want to take the time to create new memories with people in the “cool crowd” that will understand inside jokes and our sense of humor…I’ve kind of realized that we are different…We are the minority…Not because we’re Irish-German, Lebonese and German, Irish and Indian, and West Virginian (just kidding, Lego)…Or whatever the fuck we all are…We’re the minority because we apparently bring it on ourselves…We enjoy our own brand of branding…We can see the talons before they even come out…
I…I…I…Have developed a stutter…
Have I said any of this before?
We’ll form our own army? A small army…But we’ll have the best food in the mess hall…Nothing really matters…Except for Urkel on Family Matters…
| October 5, 2004 I played God again…
I played God again… I played God again… Sometimes you have to feel bad to make things better…I guess…In my own mind, I made things better by playing God…It might not have been the best thing for a certain subject at hand, but I was selfish… How selfish…How selfish…Will he ever know? Will he ever know what he’s missing out on? Is he just like the rest? I played God again… I played God again… I played God again… I’ve played God so many times in so many instances that I’ve lost track…I’ve lost count… Do you play God? How about Scrabble? Zephyr is a great score if you get it on the triple word score… I hope I’m not hated…I don’t seem to be yet…I’m not sure anything even changed in the mind of the subject…Maybe he’ll thank me…Maybe he’ll hate me….Maybe he’ll act like nothing is wrong and then do some evil shit to me when I don’t know…But I doubt it… I played God again… I played God again… I played God again… Just like I’m doing now…I’m writing the words that you’ll all read now…Now, keep in mind that you don’t have to read whatever is here, but somehow you find yourself fascinated with what is here…Like watching people eat shit on Fear Factor…Like looking at someone that has some kind of deformity…Like watching Sindust…Probably because of the deformities… Someone else played God again… Someone else played God again… Someone else played God again… Someone thought it would be great to create something that would destroy a tool I use to get to all of you…Just like humans…Build to destroy… Use once and destroy…Destroy everything that you’ve already destroyed… Like hope…Destroy all hope…How? Why? Why not…You might as well…someone else is probably playing God with your life right now…Maybe even God… What do you think? Do you have control of the strings? Do you have total control? It is very doubtful because, we should face it that no one really has TOTAL control… My hair just will not cooperate with me…I hate my hair…Someone is pulling the strings to make me even more undesirable…Lucky for me that I’m playing God again… Second after second…Minute after minute…Hour after hour…Time after time (cyndi lauper sang that…not very well, but why does it even need to be good? Someone will just play God and tell you what you’ll listen to anyway…)…Day after day…Week after week… or maybe no one is playing God…We’re all just pulling whatever rank it is we have…How do we get our rank? I’ve found a few different ways…If you can think of any more, tell me… 1. You’re born into the rank that you have 2. You work hard and get the rank that you have 3. You’re accidentally thrust into the rank that you have… So what do you do when you finally uncover the true nature of your rank? Either go with it, or against it… So much time is spent on shit that doesn’t mean a thing…I look up at this screen and it seems like forever…But it never fucking ends…It will never end until I go awol… Is anything at all necessary? *(next week maybe) Is your rank necessary? Yes, it is…You have to know your role…That way you can either run, ruin, or go with the flow… I’m just a dumb nazi-mafia face…(a name that I laugh about but not all of the time because sometimes it is true…)… I apologize to my band if I’m hard to handle sometimes…I try to be the Light-hearted Captain though…Not Captain Crunch…I try to rally the troops…I try to keep everyone excited about Carmen Electra visiting us for the USO show… I don’t know what role I want…I know I don’t want rolls anymore…I’m a fat fuck… |
| September 29, 2004 I was so pissed off on Sunday.That I won't
even waste me time looking back.
I'm not gonna' talk any more shit.I'm not gonna' bitch about it.Another lesson learned.I'm not gonna' dwell on it.Now I just have another check by someone's name in my contacts that I have no need to talk to in this lifetime.ever again.And there's so much more that I can say but I won't because this person is now on the Fuck you list.We're not pawns, bitch. Been workin' on the new album.I can't wait for the nyahs.I can't wait until its done.I will guarantee that you will love it.I can't get some of the shit out of my head.I haven't listened to the miserable radio for 3 days.Just been replaying the entire disc in my head. I didn't think that I could make things more obvious.Sometimes, the most obvious things make the least sense. Do I have a target on my chest? Maybe I should.Maybe I should help everyone clean the gun. Where the fuck is time going? I can't even keep up in Dear Diary.I'll finally catch up and the next thing you know, a week has gone by and I have to remember what the fuck I did the previous week.Have I already mentioned this? GO GET THE NEW USED CD! So I found out that my higher power (just a figure of speech.kinda' like my dumb speech teacher.It was a very weird class having a speech teacher that couldn't talk)is coming to town for a poetry reading. I had a quick flash of excitement.I had a quick relapse of a dream being even more perfect by having one of my heroes uncovering the needle in the haystack in the city that smells like the manure pond. Billy Corgan is one of my main influences in the world when it comes to songwriting.Just look at what he's put out.So much material, and I love it all.So much that I can't even keep up with it all.He's coming to town in October right up the street. Siamese Dream is the greatest album of all time.Of course in my opinion.But its also my opinion that the world is full of many wolves.Many wolves in Fubu gear. Took my special boy to the Vet today.My special boy will be getting his nuts chopped off on Monday.Do you think that's cruel? I don't.I wish that I was someone else's so they could take me to get fixed. My computer is fucked up.More miserable humans in this world feel it necessary to ruin other people's fun. What the fuck am I doing? I'm pedaling.But I don't even have a basket on my bike. When will I get a raise in life? (not in my pants.) Are you pulling for me or pushing against? Gotta' go.Tired of the same old shit.Next week will be cool.I promise.I promise. That's the story I've been given so I'll give it back. |
| September 22, 2004 Preface:
I had so much fun this past weekend that my cheeks still hurt (and not from stuffing them either since I’m such a big, fat lardass!)… Who ever thought that Journey could bring out the best in everyone? I did…and Tommy did…And A-hole did…And Lego did…And Steve Perry did…(and thanks for your help Cock monger!) Got a new tattoo today…It’s a picture of Steve Perry…Just kidding…Joe Perry… A pretty good weekend…Couple of good shows…Good turnouts (66.6% of the time)….Worked on my kicks…Only fell off the stage once…(No one even noticed…That’s pro!)… Face How come most sitcoms aren’t funny at all? I think the laugh track makes it even worse… I’ve been perfecting about 22 different laughs in the past few years…I think I could be hired to be on a laugh track that will be played at precisely the exact moment that the kids all fall into the pool while washing the dog (hahahahahahahaahahah!)…Or maybe when the clever guy with way too much wit quips with “And you’re supposed to use a toaster?”…hahahahahahahahah….ha fuckin’ ha… But that’s ok… To each his own…There just aren’t that many good things anymore…I’m getting old…In some respects that’s a very good thing (uh…because is already knocking…and my balls “dropped” for some reason last week…Is that normal?)…In other aspects, that’s very bad (uh…Can’t really think of any off hand)…But there are way too many good things right now… Huh? Ally said it best when she proclaimed that turning into your parents is “inevitable”…When you get old, your heart dies…What do ya’ think? Do you find yourself placing a considerable amount of scorn on the generations after you when it comes to anything that has to do with the ridiculous pop culture that we convince ourselves brings us joy? (goddamn, that’s a long sentence…Change it! I’ll have to give myself a C- on that sentence…Oh well…Who the fuck cares? I write for spite…and tang…at least nowadays kids don’t even learn how to write sentences…Just to smoke weed and get each other pregnant…Just kidding…)…I do sometimes (place scorn, that is)…Especially when it comes to cartoons…But also when it comes to chewin’ tobacky…Why did Levi Garrett have so much more flavor when I was 6? I’m not gonna’ bring up music because things and trends change so much every year that I have to realize (and I do) that times do change when it comes to that…Luckily, most of the radio stations that are skipped on my dial don’t worry about this at all because they’re still stuck in the 90’s…when the programmers were in college and all the time wearing flannel, that was a time that no one can forget…That’s all good too because there’s obviously a market…I just don’t shop there…I’ve got a Tops bonus card (I’m close to getting enough points to get a free ham!) I guess that’s part of the reason that I have no “style”…I don’t really dress the part of a rock star or anything like that (even though I am an egomaniac and want all of the attention…whatever…But thank you all that come see Sindust (featuring Zac from Full Service…and Sindust(featuring Aaron from some band on the way down…Just kidding…You know I love you…)…and then there’s just Tom and I of Vyle and Chisel!…Rock!)…I don’t think I do…I don’t really shop at all…I hate shopping…my wardrobe would be so bare if it weren’t for fruit of the loom pocket t’s…And that’s fine…Why, you ask? Here’s my “synopsis” of perhaps part of this reason: In “our” (I say “our” loosely because I’m assuming that most of you reading this are in my generation: Generation A Cup*(check out this tidbit later!), do you remember the different fashion trends that came and went faster than Trixter? Sure, its fun to look back and remember how you felt when you put on your torn, fishnet shirt with stonewashed jeans, cranking out the Hysteria, and chewin’ on Astropops, but don’t you cringe a little? I would’ve loved to have been born a little earlier so that I could’ve been in one of the 80’s hair metal cock rock bands…It just seemed like fun to me…Sluts everywhere…Coke everywhere…Pepsi if you wanted it…And parties every day (after rocking and rolling all night, right Paul?)… I don’t want to cringe…I know that I will…It is inevitable…But the less ammo I have to fire upon myself in the future, the better…So, I just dress the way I dress…Nothing more, nothing less…(Keep your eye out for me in a wedding dress soon, though!) *Does it seem like young girls these days are way hotter than they were when we were in school? Tom has a theory about something that’s in the water…Young boobies are often brought up as an interesting topic in the van on the way to shows…(Right before the Steve Perry/Journey Karaoke Jamboree)…Just thought that I should bring that topic up because boobies are always fun to talk about…Or maybe I should be locked up for being a potential sexual predator…Its ok…I don’t think it should be against the law if you’re terrible at it…Just kidding…Seriously…I’m kidding…Please don’t use the lopsided fun side of the brain as bricks in a faulty foundation… Times, they do-a-change…I used to watch some sitcoms…when I was young and dumb…(of course, now I’m just retarded and dumb)…and of course, not as full of cum…(thank you sexy Tube Sock!) The laugh track programmed my young, growing mind that the shit that was on the tit tube was actually funny so I guess I did the always traditional half-assed fake laugh (maybe to cover up the fact that either I: a. didn’t get the joke b. didn’t think the joke was funny but didn’t want to even be bothered by others watching the shit program asking “Don’ you get it?”…Uh…yeah…I get it…your head should be in a toilet bowl…Douche… or c. maybe thought that it was funny and back then a “half-assed” laugh can make up for my “full-ass” lardass laugh(s) that I have now… Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten that tattoo today…Or any for that matter…Will I look back and cringe? Probably not because I don’t have any on my backside…(that’s funny…think about it…”Will I look back and cringe?” Go ahead and look behind you and over your shoulder…that’s what I meant…You smell Tube sock!)…But…In the future, will I regret getting whatever it is that I have neatly placed into my flesh with a needle and ink? I don’t think so…Honestly, I don’t really pay attention anymore…Kinda’ like shitcoms nowadays… or am I right? Are any of those programs funny? Does anyone else feel like they’re in a time warp when they turn on the beauty of commercial radio like I do? Do you miss loafers without socks? What was I getting at? Oh yeah…young boobies… Bring me the death of everything new… But that’s a shit statement too because even though what we do isn’t breaking any new and amazing barriers when it comes to revolutionizing music, its still new (in the sense that the songs are not covers and that I or we wrote a new song…and that “Susie tampons herself!)…Uh…(Sorry…didn’t mean to use “tampon” as a verb)…and has meaning to us…And that’s all I really care about…I don’t care about what I wrote years ago…I don’t care about how many times I’ve fallen while roller skating…I care about my band and our music…And money and bitches (just kidding…not really)…that’s all I care about…Well…that and young boobies…and the death of everything new… Stay tuned for a “new” rant next week and don’t sit still because the “new” cd will be out before you know it! … Satan Aka-Bob Saget (you do know that he used to suck dick for coke, right?) Have a good week |
| September 14, 2004 There is no rant this week due to time constraints
and constraints on my wrists...
Just kidding... I just got the Used dvd "Brand new" Ironic, eh... Its awesome...I love it...I also love the fact that I don't even have a dvd player...I actually watched it twice in between working on band shit...A long, long day...I'm tired as fuck...Gonna' be a busy week...a really busy week...No rest for the wicked...No wicked for the rest...You'll have that though... Yes, its true...I guess I almost got arrested the other night...Sorry Mom and Dad...Luckily, I'm so cool and they let me go...Just kidding...They were cool cops...Thank you Alliance Police Department... I've been pretty lucky a few times when it comes to the police...And I've learned my lesson on all accounts...(Reminder kids: when bashing Amish mailboxes, always check for concrete in the bottom of the ones that you've destroyed 3 weeks in a row...That can leave a bruise...Long story)... I've been pretty lucky about a lot of things...Except for getting lucky...And no luck at all getting pretty...Or something... I can't wait until the record is done...I can't wait until my record is done...I can't wait to do fun shit all of the time...Like eat spaghetti...and say "sqetti" while eating it... Biding your time can drive you crazy if you have the nuts enough to think about it...But I don't think that many people think about it...Having patience is a different story though...I hope...I really hope that being patient will pay off...I really hope that its not ever too late...For anything... I've got to catch up on so many things that I think are way more important than some of the things I'm "required" to do to get by...There are so many romance novels on my bookshelf that I don't even have...There are so many past issues of Boys' Life I have to catch up on...There are so many fat girls...And yet, so little time... But if you're lucky, things will all fall into place, right? Depends on your outlook... I'm not really sure what I believe about that topic...Am I a "Everything happens for a reason" guy, or a "you're so lucky that you're Chris Donley" guy? Or something... Teet...Tott...What the fuck does that mean? I just want to create in a dark room with some candles burning and the glow of those candles reflecting in the eyes of those around me...Someone give me a chance... We waste so much shit...We get wasted and sometimes piss out of our asses...But we waste too much...What makes you satisfied? Do you waste a lot of things? Are you lucky when it comes to the things that matter? Or do you do what you have to do to get what you want? I'm so tired of frowns...I love laughing...I wish my face would hurt all of the time...Even though I'm really dying inside, there's a few things that make me feel alive...One is laughing and having so much fun...So much fun...So much fun...I love being a douche...If only I was lucky to be able to do that all day, all of the time...And at the end of the night, get lucky...(I love late night BINGO!) You don't want to bet me about too much...I actually hide quite a bit of stupid shit that could go to waste in this mis-shapened head of mine...(Is mis-shapened really a word?)...or maybe I'm just lucky... Too many paragraphs...Too many breaks...Step on a crack and You'll break your mother's back... Always watch your mouth and your back...Maybe someone is stepping on a crack that's meant for you...But I doubt it...Most are probably meant for me...If I'm lucky... Danny says "hi"... Winter's coming...But not until fall is here and gone... I'll hopefully find some things that I've been missing this fall...Like my "Saved by the Bell" tapes, slinky, and nude polaroids of my lungs...If I'm lucky... Are you lucky? Do you know that you are? Do you appreciate it? I am right now...Stick with me boys...And tape... Who the fuck reads these? No one if I'm lucky... |
Got some good feedback from some of you guys…Thanks…It
was very cool…and refreshing…Like Doublemint
gum…and the new cream I’m using that gets
rid of that darn itch…
A long tiring weekend…Happy Birthday, yet again Lego…
Fuck the prick that was givin’ me shit the other night…Cock…
Fuck you’s go out to a few other people that know who they are…The French are assholes…(not you, Squat!)…
It scares me how amazing I am…Really…Not really…Sometimes…
I want to be metal…I want to be mad…
Oh wait…I already am…
It is really sad that my favorite person in the whole wide world isn’t even a person…
What an exhausting weekend…
How much effect do you think that lack of sleep really gives brain you not why cow moo laugh?
Hmm…I feel the same way…I know that it does affect shit…Like fucking with your brain and eyes while using the words effect and affect in corresponding, back-to-back sentences…
Do you think it destroys your vision quicker? Mine is still getting worse and worse…And I’m not blaming it all on the best sex I’ve had 3 times a day either…
People scare the absolute fuck out of me…Are you needed or are you needy?
I think I just need to be put to sleep…
Is there a better side when it comes to double-sided Scotch tape? And does it ever make you wonder why certain iconic products are now part of our everyday vocabulary? You don’t go make “copies”, you make Xeroxes…It is very rarely “tape”, but Scotch tape is mentioned and you know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about…
Of course everything varies by location, dialect of the area, and patterns that form and take place everywhere in the world…In the south, all pop is Coke? That’s what I heard…
Would you be proud if you said something or made something up that really “stuck”…
That’s why I very rarely “say” the word “love”…Because it just doesn’t “stick” with me enough where everyone knows what I’m talking about…
You all hurt…I know you do…Some of you hide it well like I do…Some of you cover it up like I do…Some of you need to shut the fuck up and take it like I do…But shit happens…And it all varies by location, attitude of your area, and patterns that you find yourself in all of the time…
Miserable patterns…
maybe that’s why so many people liked that shitty song “drift” off of our “Kiss of the Napalm” album…
People scare the shit out of me…
I get stuck sometimes…Really stuck other times…And when I have a really good dream, stuck a lot to my sheets…Just kidding…I’ll just wake up and finish it off…No wet dreams here…But what the fuck am I talking about anyway? Most of my dreams are terrible…Hence, part of the reason that I dislike sleeping in the same room as other people because I know that I talk in my sleep…I don’t want anyone to know what’s going on in there, do I? But I guess that varies by location, direct listening area, and sleeping patterns that you have…Although a little rapid eye movement is probably easily achieved by yourself, right?
So calm…So beautiful…So insightful if you just look into the eyes…How ‘dorable…
When is it my turn to have a Casey? Or any kind of true muse for that matter?
Just a mirror that I despise and myself…And Danny…My best friend…
A lot of people ask me nothing…
A lot of people ask too much…
A lot of people get annoying…
A lot of people don’t understand anything…
A lot of people are fucking stupid…
A lot of people are selfish…
A lot of people are kind…
A lot of people lie…
A lot of people enjoy pie…
A lot of people can’t sleep…
A lot of people inspire other people…
A lot of people say the wrong things…
A lot of people are actually beautiful on the inside…
A lot of people are evil…
A lot of people have bad teeth…
A lot of people believe in war…
A lot of people don’t laugh enough…
A lot of people enjoy being miserable…
A lot of people do drugs…
A lot of people hurt others…
A lot of people hurt themselves…
A lot of people have a hidden talent but are too scared or lazy to pursue it…
A lot of people sing in the shower…
A lot of people ruin everyone else’s fun…
A lot of people make a lot of other people that are:
devoid of good conversation, “pryers”, annoying, fucking stupid, selfish, kind, liars, pie eaters, insomniacs, inspiring, non-lip biters, beautiful, evil, gingivitis promoters, Bush’s, cold hearted, lovingly miserable, drug addicts, abusers, cutters, jealous, haters, bumps on logs, and people that make more people that are:
devoid of good conversation, “pryers”, annoying, fucking stupid, selfish, kind, liars, pie eaters, insomniacs, inspiring, non-lip biters, beautiful, evil, gingivitis promoters, Bush’s, cold hearted, lovingly miserable, drug addicts, abusers, cutters, jealous, haters, bumps on logs, and people that make more people that are:
devoid of good conversation, “pryers”, annoying, fucking stupid, selfish, kind, liars, pie eaters, insomniacs, inspiring, non-lip biters, beautiful, evil, gingivitis promoters, Bush’s, cold hearted, lovingly miserable, drug addicts, abusers, cutters, jealous, haters, bumps on logs, and people that make more people that are:
devoid of good conversation, “pryers”, annoying, fucking stupid, selfish, kind, liars, pie eaters, insomniacs, inspiring, non-lip biters, beautiful, evil, gingivitis promoters, Bush’s, cold hearted, lovingly miserable, drug addicts, abusers, cutters, jealous, haters, bumps on logs, and people that make more people that are on and on…
You get it…
But the pattern varies from time to time…
A long tiring weekend…Happy Birthday, yet again Lego…
Fuck the prick that was givin’ me shit the other night…Cock…
Fuck you’s go out to a few other people that know who they are…The French are assholes…(not you, Squat!)…
It scares me how amazing I am…Really…Not really…Sometimes…
I want to be metal…I want to be mad…
Oh wait…I already am…
It is really sad that my favorite person in the whole wide world isn’t even a person…
What an exhausting weekend…
How much effect do you think that lack of sleep really gives brain you not why cow moo laugh?
Hmm…I feel the same way…I know that it does affect shit…Like fucking with your brain and eyes while using the words effect and affect in corresponding, back-to-back sentences…
Do you think it destroys your vision quicker? Mine is still getting worse and worse…And I’m not blaming it all on the best sex I’ve had 3 times a day either…
People scare the absolute fuck out of me…Are you needed or are you needy?
I think I just need to be put to sleep…
Is there a better side when it comes to double-sided Scotch tape? And does it ever make you wonder why certain iconic products are now part of our everyday vocabulary? You don’t go make “copies”, you make Xeroxes…It is very rarely “tape”, but Scotch tape is mentioned and you know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about…
Of course everything varies by location, dialect of the area, and patterns that form and take place everywhere in the world…In the south, all pop is Coke? That’s what I heard…
Would you be proud if you said something or made something up that really “stuck”…
That’s why I very rarely “say” the word “love”…Because it just doesn’t “stick” with me enough where everyone knows what I’m talking about…
You all hurt…I know you do…Some of you hide it well like I do…Some of you cover it up like I do…Some of you need to shut the fuck up and take it like I do…But shit happens…And it all varies by location, attitude of your area, and patterns that you find yourself in all of the time…
Miserable patterns…
maybe that’s why so many people liked that shitty song “drift” off of our “Kiss of the Napalm” album…
People scare the shit out of me…
I get stuck sometimes…Really stuck other times…And when I have a really good dream, stuck a lot to my sheets…Just kidding…I’ll just wake up and finish it off…No wet dreams here…But what the fuck am I talking about anyway? Most of my dreams are terrible…Hence, part of the reason that I dislike sleeping in the same room as other people because I know that I talk in my sleep…I don’t want anyone to know what’s going on in there, do I? But I guess that varies by location, direct listening area, and sleeping patterns that you have…Although a little rapid eye movement is probably easily achieved by yourself, right?
So calm…So beautiful…So insightful if you just look into the eyes…How ‘dorable…
When is it my turn to have a Casey? Or any kind of true muse for that matter?
Just a mirror that I despise and myself…And Danny…My best friend…
A lot of people ask me nothing…
A lot of people ask too much…
A lot of people get annoying…
A lot of people don’t understand anything…
A lot of people are fucking stupid…
A lot of people are selfish…
A lot of people are kind…
A lot of people lie…
A lot of people enjoy pie…
A lot of people can’t sleep…
A lot of people inspire other people…
A lot of people say the wrong things…
A lot of people are actually beautiful on the inside…
A lot of people are evil…
A lot of people have bad teeth…
A lot of people believe in war…
A lot of people don’t laugh enough…
A lot of people enjoy being miserable…
A lot of people do drugs…
A lot of people hurt others…
A lot of people hurt themselves…
A lot of people have a hidden talent but are too scared or lazy to pursue it…
A lot of people sing in the shower…
A lot of people ruin everyone else’s fun…
A lot of people make a lot of other people that are:
devoid of good conversation, “pryers”, annoying, fucking stupid, selfish, kind, liars, pie eaters, insomniacs, inspiring, non-lip biters, beautiful, evil, gingivitis promoters, Bush’s, cold hearted, lovingly miserable, drug addicts, abusers, cutters, jealous, haters, bumps on logs, and people that make more people that are:
devoid of good conversation, “pryers”, annoying, fucking stupid, selfish, kind, liars, pie eaters, insomniacs, inspiring, non-lip biters, beautiful, evil, gingivitis promoters, Bush’s, cold hearted, lovingly miserable, drug addicts, abusers, cutters, jealous, haters, bumps on logs, and people that make more people that are:
devoid of good conversation, “pryers”, annoying, fucking stupid, selfish, kind, liars, pie eaters, insomniacs, inspiring, non-lip biters, beautiful, evil, gingivitis promoters, Bush’s, cold hearted, lovingly miserable, drug addicts, abusers, cutters, jealous, haters, bumps on logs, and people that make more people that are:
devoid of good conversation, “pryers”, annoying, fucking stupid, selfish, kind, liars, pie eaters, insomniacs, inspiring, non-lip biters, beautiful, evil, gingivitis promoters, Bush’s, cold hearted, lovingly miserable, drug addicts, abusers, cutters, jealous, haters, bumps on logs, and people that make more people that are on and on…
You get it…
But the pattern varies from time to time…
| September 1, 2004 Michael McDonald was amazing! I can’t say
how much fun I had at the show on Sunday…Thanks
for going w/me kids! And Happy Fuckin’ Birthday,
Lego!
But what a travesty! Michael McDonald OPENING FOR HALL AND OATES?!?!? What the fuck?!?! Oh well…It was still a kick as show…What a voice…I wish I had his voice…Or at least someone else’s voice so I wouldn’t have to listen to my own while doing studio vocals…I absolutely dread that shit…But sometimes I shit dread…You’d have to see it to believe it… Enough talking about Lego, Mike, and bowel movements… What a great weekend! I love having fun…I love seeing everyone smile…I love getting away from reality…I love my peeps…I love very little drama…But most of all, I love being a janitor…My bucket is getting really big lately…Thanks to everyone that make it really easy for us… Anyway… Onward… You all have an assignment…We’ll see if anyone follows through…We’ll see if anyone else can sit down and “waste” their time so I can be on the other side of the mirror… I want to read what you guys are thinking about any and everything… Short stories…poems…where the bodies are…Anything…What you really think of me…Why you hate me…Why you love me…Why you hurt inside…A screenplay…a song…If its really true that girls can have an orgasm…Anything… I’m serious… Whatever you want, email it to me…I will read it all…I just want to see if anyone else out there has anything to say (or if they do, do they have the balls to let anyone see it?) I promise I will not let anyone else read it, use it, or anything…I will not talk about any of it to anyone…I will not steal, use, or infringe on anyone’s vision… Is there anyone out there? The closest of friends…The most distant of acquaintances…The people that hide in the shadows…The cursed that curse me…The blessed that bless me…Those that let too much out… I don’t care…That’s all for now…I’ll wait and see what’s up with all of you…I probably won’t reply to you…I won’t give any sort of critique because what you write is what you write and its not my place to say whether or not anything is good or bad…I just want to see how some other people think… chris@sindust.com Please put “I love Chris Donley’s Wang” in the subject line… Thank you… Chris |
| August 25, 2004 People that are deaf must not be able to
read...
Did you ever notice the motherfuckers that transcribe t.v. shows can't spell or type worth a shit... Maybe that would be a perfect job for me...Either that, or a professional beard grower... Who knows... I've been really busy lately...Sorry ladies...The record is coming together great with our favorite Blick, Wessy Bear McCraw...18 songs of pure sex...Of course we'll only be putting 12 or 13 on the record...What's a record... How about 17 times in one day! Now that's amazing... The word is finally moving again since I've learned how to speak Ghetto...WORD! Danny is growing up so fast...He's my special little boy! And cheeseballs at bars make me smile...that's why I don't buy drinks...But I just bought stock in Polo... I'm really drunk right now...Not really, but I started writing the "rant" last night and never got it finished because of a really hot 3-way between me, a good book, and a cup of tea...Not true yet again...You'll have that... Is Pisces really the sign of the badger? Trying to make money...I used to think that money was the root of all evil...It turns out that bagels are...Not sure why...Especially the raisin bagels... that's why I don't eat breakfast...or lunch...or supper...Only weed...Just kidding... I just recently realized that I must enjoy pain...(I didn't JUST realize it, I'm just writing about I)....I like to look down and see cuts...I'm a newfound cutter...You only truly realize that you're alive when you bleed... I'm pushing the delete button but nothing is running backwards...That means that there was nothing in front of these words... Do I look fat in this paragraph? Some art was stolen...The Scream...The French are assholes... Everything will make sense if you take your time and put it all together...No matter what you're looking at...Unless nothing makes sense...Which could be possible too... If you're looking at yourself and you truly believe you can put the puzzle together, then you can...I truly believe that...All of the words will be spelled right...You will see everything-past, present, future...Without the use of drugs of course...You will see how you've changed and why you've changed...Maybe for the better...Maybe for the worst... As long as you believe that all of the pieces are there... You see, that's where I'm fucked...Just because the warning label on the package, that doesn...t mean everything...That doesn't mean that all of the pieces were in the box...All of the pieces weren't in the box...I'll never be a total person...I'll never be the finished product...Why? Because I don't believe that I ever will be...If I am ever a finished person, then that will be it...There will be nothing more to look forward to or dread...But hopefully there will be something... how about this paragraph... Do I look fat in it? Probably... I've really considered getting into porn...Hmmm...Do you think I should? Its really weird that I'm surrounded by music all of the time...I can't fall asleep unless there's something on...Either some kind of tunes, the t.v. which kills, Christmas lights, or a bitch on my dick...Just kidding...I don't have intercourse...I bang...But no intercourse...Once again, just kidding...that's too much...Women are all crazy...They think too much sometimes and don't think enough other times...But they're the first ones to laugh about stupid shit...But I like to see girls laugh...Its good to see that... Greedy bitches...Do you read what I'm saying? Oops...I spelled a bunch of words in that last paragraph wrong that it didn't even say what I wanted to say...So don't take it the wrong way like you all always do... I really am mad...I've changed attitudes so many times in the last 17 years (that's how old I am, ya' know...) that I'm really starting to get dizzy... And that's another reason that I'll never be finished...I'll be finished in the literal "breathing" sense, but not in the big picture...Because my brain won't let me put the pieces together...My brain won't allow the walls to come down...And I guess that's fine...I won't get any new wounds if I wear enough Kevlar... Bleed...Drugs are bad, aren't they... that's what I was told and I'll stick to that...Bad...Bad...Drugs... I love root beer...I've recently gotten addicted to root beer again... Wally...you're a drunken irish midget...But you're fun...(You happy now, bitch... Oops...I mean, "Hung Low Stud")...But then again...So am I...A drunken Irish midget that is...Not hung low...It gets me off though...that's all that matters... So I'm reading the words and they still don't make sense...kinda' like now...The words are all kinda' jumbled up...But I'm not deaf...Not yet at least...Maybe those words for the deaf people make sense to them if they say them out loud because of the "dumbness" they have when trying to pronounce words...I do the same thing...Maybe it does make sense... Maybe like now... I've got some new cuts...It all makes sense to me...Will you suck out the poison? Nah...Keep it in there...It helps... I'm done for tonight...Stay tuned next week for some super casserole recipes! Sincerely, yur freind Chris |
| August 17, 2004 Ok...I'm not gonna' spend any time on the
anniversary...
Let's simply say that it IS the start of a new beginning...And no, I'm not talking about the feminine body spray...A new beginning...In more ways than one... What I have now, is the best this band has ever been...Tommy can vouch for it...We've been through what was hopefully the worst of the storm...And we weren't even prepared for the torrential downfall that could have come down on us if we would've let it...Luckily, he's Dick and I'm Goddard...Or the other way around...(If you don't know who Dick Goddard is, punch yourself in the sack and go adopt some Wooly Bears...) We're the tightest we've ever been (although there's always still room for improvement), hottest we've ever been (thanks to A-Hole Kojo and Little Cute Incesske), and the best we've ever been...This is of course a scale on an evolutionary chart that I've concocted in my own prison of thoughts...But at least it has steadily climbed...As long as it keeps going up...That's all that matters...I've been at this a very long time... We've got quite a few things on our side...Yet there are always some things that hinder progress but you'll have that...And you'll look at those things and laugh, correct them, and move on...And I think we will...I hope...No...I know we will... Faith...I'm talking about a burning fire...A fire that can't be extinguished unless we're the firemen...Unfortunately (or should I say "fortunately"), we are not all firemen (they're so hot, right Seema?) with long hoses to put out the flame...So that's a good thing...The only thing that can kill the badger is the badger itself...A house divided cannot stand...A badger divided cannot stand... Here...I'll light up another power stick...To quench my uncompromising thirst for self-destruction... We've had this talk before...All of us have...We all joke around and smile about the dumbest things...And we've captured some of the most interesting memories that no one will ever understand...Memories are the butterflies...I'll be the little kid with the net... I wonder if I can think hard enough, if I could remember every memory I've ever had...But then I have to wonder if memories that were just dreams could be counted as memories...Do memories have to actually consist of being a tangible life experience or could they be thought up... Hmmm... I have a ton of memories...Of previous lives and future lives...Some I know what they are...Some I don't...Some I remember living...Some, I don't....Some I look forward to next time...You're just a shadow... I wonder if the others had such a sour taste in their mouth about themselves... Artie...I feel your pain...I feel your pain... Look at everything that is around...Look at everyone around that could benefit...Look at everyone that will miss out...Look at everyone that won't be disappointed...Look at everyone that will be disappointed... Look at yourself...Look at me...Look down at your genitals and wash them...Thank you... Hope I don't screw up... Not from washing my genitals...Just pronouncing the word "genitals" because it's such a fun word to say... I'm kinda' tired of asking questions right now...I'm kinda' tired of being happy...I'm kinda' tired of being miserable... I know I'm in bad shape...(I've been trying to work out again and become the sex symbol I once was, but girls don't care about that...They just want a guy with a good personality...At least for a while...)...Or they'll just be greedy... So it's my turn...Not to be greedy THAT WAY...Just to be greedy...I'm a selfish prick...I'm a prick...I won't deny it...But I'm such a nice guy... Just as all of the previous have been...Both... Artie...I feel your pain... I'm bored...I'm tired...I'm simply waiting, watching, and preparing for the next adventure...This adventure has been on the burner for quite some time...And I want it to cook thoroughly so that I'm nice and tender...That's all I want... I don't want hands on throats...I don't want to see who can win in a screaming match... I do miss my family's swearing contests though... I say the word "I" entirely too much...But then again so do you...And at least when you all say it, its heard...I'm tired... Artie...I feel your pain... Tip it back... I need help...A lot of it...I almost rained the other night...At the weirdest thing too... I want to be missed...But the whole problem with being missed is that I don't know if I'll be able to see or know how much I'll be missed...What a crock...I wish I knew... Maybe I do...Maybe I already do... Pills are good... don't worry...I swear I'll be good...I'll try my hardest... But I'm losing it...Fuck...I've already lost it...Every week for me consists of not realizing what day it is and counting down the seconds to the weekend where I get to play with my Blicks...Which isn't that easy because I'm not sure of what day it is...What a blur...No wonder my memories have faded a bit from before...Maybe That's why my dreams are so crytal clear... The man...I hate the man... I'm tired of the man... I want to kill the man... And yet, I want to be the man someday... Artie...I feel your pain... |
This week's rant is in honor of a year ago
on the 15th...
A day that will be with us forever...Not a nail...Not a wall...Not an obstacle...
A turning point...A boost of confidence...A true test for all of us...
There has been so much that we've been given...So much taken away...But the bottom line is that I'm indestructible...(of course I'm lying because I'm a walking disease waiting for Mr. Death to take me away...)
So much has happened since a year ago Saturday...People have come and gone...people have helped...People have left...People have forgotten...People have simply gone about their business...
We were very lucky...We made it...We lived on...But why... Do we really have a purpose? I know I mentioned a little bit about this last week or the week before or the week before, but I'm as confused as ever...
Why us? Why are we all so lucky? Why do we take everything for granted? Everyone does it...
Why do I deserve to live the life that I have? Why was I blessed with something as "simple" as the ability to walk? Why wasn't I born with an extra toe, nipple, or brain? Why are others born with deformities? Why did I survive last year?
Is life a lottery? I still think that it is...I just think there are many different levels of winning...And I can't stand the fact that other people don't even get a shot from the start...Life's not fair (and I'm not whining for myself at all...This is actually a self hating piece because I feel terrible that others don't get to start the race from the same starting point as so many others...)
This may sound mean but its not s'posed to:
The other day, I saw a person with a really fucked up birthmark or burn or something...
Another day, I saw a woman with some kind of growth protruding out of her entire neck...
A few days ago, I noticed a boy in a wheelchair...
Last week, I caught a glimpse of someone with braces on his legs barely able to move...
Why?
Why am I lucky enough to deserve what I have? Why? Why are you able to do everyday things that those people perhaps can't do?
And why do I hate myself for this... I'm not quite sure...But I'm pretty sure...
Certain songs make me feel really good inside...Certain songs make me feel alive...Certain songs make me glad that I'm alive...But when I see things like I see sometimes, I'm not so sure I deserve to feel that...Do you? Do any of us?
What is your purpose? Do you access your full potential? (even though that's debatable because who's to say what exactly your "full potential" is...What an obscene thought...Although its debatable what exactly is "obscene"...I love debating...and masturdebating...)
Why am I here? Why is everyone here?
You're here for me to learn from...I'm here for you to learn from...
Even though we all learn from life, we learn more from death...Here's how:
When you're alive (to use the term loosely), you live, you learn, you work, you do your thing, you die...But when you die, so many other people learn so much more...You learn about yourself...You learn about things that are real...And even though sometimes that hurts, it helps in the end because if you're a decent human (to use the term loosely), you can hopefully change whatever may need to be changed to make the world a better place...Or you could just not have a soul and join my club...(just kidding)...Or I could be talking out of my asshole again...
What am I getting at?
When someone close to you dies, most of the apathetic thoughts will hopefully go out the window...You will realize that you had "something"...Whatever that is, is up to you to figure out...You will learn that you may not have been such a super duper person to that individual...Maybe you were too good to that person...But now its up to you to decide whether or not you'll use that knowledge...and grow...
So why didn't anyone learn from last year? You tell me...I'll tell you...
There has to be a reason...I'm trying to learn so I'm not so confused...
Will the world ever be a decent place? Depending on interpretation just as anything...
Those people that I saw might say they enjoy their lives but really hate being them...They may love the fact that it makes them stronger...
So how come I'm the way I am? And will I change? Have I learned anything at all? I abuse my body...I don't really appreciate what I have...But then again, who really does...
That's why...Just another reason that I hate myself...I sometimes wish I was born with a disability so I'd have something to overcome...Not just the menial tasks that we're all faced with like living, working, breathing, eating...I sometimes wish that I wasn't "normal" (to use the term loosely), so that I would be different...
But then I sit back in my chair, put down my lit power stick, take a sip of grandpa's cough medicine, and grab either "Goldie Hawn", "Raylene", "Jenteal", "Black", or "my wang"* and learn...Maybe I'm not taking things for granted...Maybe my purpose is to do exactly what I do...I seem to reach and intrigue some people...Maybe that is my purpose...Maybe my self loathing is just an aspect of my personality that is there to help offset the "good things" that those around have an interest in...And those people that dig me are helping me learn too...And believe me...I think they are helping...all the while, others are hurting...
we've all been dealt different hands...We all have to deal with what we've been dealt...If that's a cop out to say that and not stand up and proclaim "You make your own destiny", I think I'm gonna' have to disagree with you because how is someone that is born with a chronic illness or incurable disease gonna' create their own destiny... You tell me...I think that comment is a crock of shit...(Holy fuck, I think that was the first time I've cursed in this entire fuckin' rant...Can you fuckin' believe it?)
I know I'm lucky...And I don't feel lucky for being lucky because I question why I deserve to be lucky when so many others aren't...
But we're here...And we'll stay here until "destiny" says otherwise...We made it through quite a severe test last year...So I guess I"ll just question why that is and keep on trying to learn...
I suggest that you all do the same...
And hopefully you won't hate yourself like I hate myself for being "lucky"...
Good luck...
Double down...
*All of those names represent the names of some of my guitars...except for "my wang"...
A day that will be with us forever...Not a nail...Not a wall...Not an obstacle...
A turning point...A boost of confidence...A true test for all of us...
There has been so much that we've been given...So much taken away...But the bottom line is that I'm indestructible...(of course I'm lying because I'm a walking disease waiting for Mr. Death to take me away...)
So much has happened since a year ago Saturday...People have come and gone...people have helped...People have left...People have forgotten...People have simply gone about their business...
We were very lucky...We made it...We lived on...But why... Do we really have a purpose? I know I mentioned a little bit about this last week or the week before or the week before, but I'm as confused as ever...
Why us? Why are we all so lucky? Why do we take everything for granted? Everyone does it...
Why do I deserve to live the life that I have? Why was I blessed with something as "simple" as the ability to walk? Why wasn't I born with an extra toe, nipple, or brain? Why are others born with deformities? Why did I survive last year?
Is life a lottery? I still think that it is...I just think there are many different levels of winning...And I can't stand the fact that other people don't even get a shot from the start...Life's not fair (and I'm not whining for myself at all...This is actually a self hating piece because I feel terrible that others don't get to start the race from the same starting point as so many others...)
This may sound mean but its not s'posed to:
The other day, I saw a person with a really fucked up birthmark or burn or something...
Another day, I saw a woman with some kind of growth protruding out of her entire neck...
A few days ago, I noticed a boy in a wheelchair...
Last week, I caught a glimpse of someone with braces on his legs barely able to move...
Why?
Why am I lucky enough to deserve what I have? Why? Why are you able to do everyday things that those people perhaps can't do?
And why do I hate myself for this... I'm not quite sure...But I'm pretty sure...
Certain songs make me feel really good inside...Certain songs make me feel alive...Certain songs make me glad that I'm alive...But when I see things like I see sometimes, I'm not so sure I deserve to feel that...Do you? Do any of us?
What is your purpose? Do you access your full potential? (even though that's debatable because who's to say what exactly your "full potential" is...What an obscene thought...Although its debatable what exactly is "obscene"...I love debating...and masturdebating...)
Why am I here? Why is everyone here?
You're here for me to learn from...I'm here for you to learn from...
Even though we all learn from life, we learn more from death...Here's how:
When you're alive (to use the term loosely), you live, you learn, you work, you do your thing, you die...But when you die, so many other people learn so much more...You learn about yourself...You learn about things that are real...And even though sometimes that hurts, it helps in the end because if you're a decent human (to use the term loosely), you can hopefully change whatever may need to be changed to make the world a better place...Or you could just not have a soul and join my club...(just kidding)...Or I could be talking out of my asshole again...
What am I getting at?
When someone close to you dies, most of the apathetic thoughts will hopefully go out the window...You will realize that you had "something"...Whatever that is, is up to you to figure out...You will learn that you may not have been such a super duper person to that individual...Maybe you were too good to that person...But now its up to you to decide whether or not you'll use that knowledge...and grow...
So why didn't anyone learn from last year? You tell me...I'll tell you...
There has to be a reason...I'm trying to learn so I'm not so confused...
Will the world ever be a decent place? Depending on interpretation just as anything...
Those people that I saw might say they enjoy their lives but really hate being them...They may love the fact that it makes them stronger...
So how come I'm the way I am? And will I change? Have I learned anything at all? I abuse my body...I don't really appreciate what I have...But then again, who really does...
That's why...Just another reason that I hate myself...I sometimes wish I was born with a disability so I'd have something to overcome...Not just the menial tasks that we're all faced with like living, working, breathing, eating...I sometimes wish that I wasn't "normal" (to use the term loosely), so that I would be different...
But then I sit back in my chair, put down my lit power stick, take a sip of grandpa's cough medicine, and grab either "Goldie Hawn", "Raylene", "Jenteal", "Black", or "my wang"* and learn...Maybe I'm not taking things for granted...Maybe my purpose is to do exactly what I do...I seem to reach and intrigue some people...Maybe that is my purpose...Maybe my self loathing is just an aspect of my personality that is there to help offset the "good things" that those around have an interest in...And those people that dig me are helping me learn too...And believe me...I think they are helping...all the while, others are hurting...
we've all been dealt different hands...We all have to deal with what we've been dealt...If that's a cop out to say that and not stand up and proclaim "You make your own destiny", I think I'm gonna' have to disagree with you because how is someone that is born with a chronic illness or incurable disease gonna' create their own destiny... You tell me...I think that comment is a crock of shit...(Holy fuck, I think that was the first time I've cursed in this entire fuckin' rant...Can you fuckin' believe it?)
I know I'm lucky...And I don't feel lucky for being lucky because I question why I deserve to be lucky when so many others aren't...
But we're here...And we'll stay here until "destiny" says otherwise...We made it through quite a severe test last year...So I guess I"ll just question why that is and keep on trying to learn...
I suggest that you all do the same...
And hopefully you won't hate yourself like I hate myself for being "lucky"...
Good luck...
Double down...
*All of those names represent the names of some of my guitars...except for "my wang"...
| August 4, 2004 Keep on recycling...
So I'm listening to some college radio station today and along comes the same shit... I might as well apologize to anyone that has gone along with the bandwagon crowd as of late but this is how I feel so if you disagree, that's your opinion...As you should listen and respect mine...And then realize that I'm right and fuck off...Just kidding... But I'd like to refer to these days as ...The Dark Days of Music......I'm not sure if its because I'm getting old (Really, its not that at all because I want to hear some heavy shit...Metal is hanging on by a thread...That's it...That's all I'm saying...What happened to metal... And I know that we're not metal, but I miss hearing some good heavy music and I just haven't come across any in a long time...there are a few and for that, I'm glad) or what, but the majority of music that is out there today really doesn't appeal to me at all... I'd like to now refer to the new trend in music as ...shit rock......Of course the critics eat it up......They're breathing life back into rock 'n roll.........Thank God for any band with THE in the name......Whatever... I believe that rock should be about freedom, fun, sex, and drugs and perhaps a few dealings with the occult and the law but I'm not sure if I agree with the critics...(imagine that)...But I'm sure that the critics and I will always butt heads and I'm fine with that...I'm totally cool with that...I encourage it... But I also think that rock should have an amount of pride to go along with it...Since you're hopefully pouring things out onto paper into a song, shouldn't you try and make that the best song it can be... Cutting corners...Hmmm...I don't see how trying to make a record sound shitty can save rock...I don't see how taking the easy way out can make you feel good...(of course the $$ that you're now seeing if you're one of those ...artists... will make you feel real good because the trend that you either helped create or latched onto has snagged the kids like a lamprey...Wonderful...)... But of course, That's my opinion... The ____s...The_____....The_____...The____...All trendy and great in the critics... eyes...But I don't get it...Just because rock is about ...rocking..., shouldn't you at least be able to play your instrument a little bit... I'll admit that I'm not the greatest at anything (except for everything), but the Dark Days of Music that are upon us show that you can once again suck and make a career (although hopefully short) out of it... It was done in the early nineties...Here it is again...The difference is that at least in the early nineties, a good producer could fake it on an album...An although I'm not totally for that because its kinda... pulling the wool over everyone's eyes when you hear a really great album from a mediocre band and then see them live and they suck, at least it gave you something to listen to in your car (except for me...I don't even have a cassette player...I'm stuck listening to ...shit rock... on most stations...) where you could actually hear the minor complex details that made well produced albums make us want to go see those bands for ourselves and then judge... Instead, today we hear the shit up front...So I guess most people should thank the record industry for being a little more honest with us when the masses buy the shitty albums because at least what you see is what you get... But how much fun is that... Isn't it more fun to make the call... Isn't it more fun to get your hopes up and then be let down... That's where we come in...Just kidding... I heard 2 separate songs that really bother me...One is by the Postal Service and one is by Start Trouble...I'm not gonna... talk ...real... shit because I respect them both enough that they did what they had to do to get where they are...And I'm not totally sure if I could say that I'm jealous because they're in the spotlight because I wouldn't want the music that is out there today to have anything associated with my name...Once again, my opinion...take it or leave it... Anyway...Back to the story...Both songs had the same melody line in the verse as an unnamed Chicago song...Hmmm...Hit after hit... And even though I've found myself enjoying music that is pretty structured, as well as writing that way, I try to stay away from blatant shit... But then there's another argument that I have to contradict myself yet again...I've always had a fear that I've somehow heard a song somewhere, forgot where I heard it, and then somehow ...wrote... the exact same song...I hate my life...I hate my mind... Shit rock...At least we're trash rock...Kill me... The Dark Days have arrived and will hopefully be gone soon... Kill the THEs... |
| July 28, 2004 Burning holes in your soul...How many people
in your lifetime do you think have actually
stared you straight in the eye...
I'm asking because the other day, a baby looked at me right in the eye as I pierced its now warped psyche with my glare and got to wondering if that will actually affect that baby in the future...Or if that baby will remember my icy stare... Cuz for some reason, I remember when I was younger, looking at people...Looking them in the eye...I'm not even sure who those people are or why I was drawn to look through them the way I did...But I did...There has to be a reason...Look at how many people you really know but don't ...look them in the eye...... A baby...A fuckin' baby made me right this rant...It just kept looking at me...And I really don't like kids so I found myself almost giving it a dirty look...I know, I know...I'm a mean person...But why of all places (A Giant Eagle), of all times, and of all reason would a baby make me think about this week... Who knows...Its just a weird situation because how am I to know that when I was a baby that I didn't look someone right in the eyes and they could turn out to be anything...That someone maybe grew up to be one of my idols...Maybe that person grew up to be a politician...Or worse, a preacher...Just kidding...But the strangest thought that entered my mind today while I was stuck in traffic as I usually am...(Not really on the highway, but in my own mind...There's been gridlock for years in the grey matter...Not that it really matters anyway...No one's directing the traffic...)...Maybe one of those people would end up being either my savior...or my killer... I don't really know...I just find it very odd that the roles were switched... Do you remember growing up... Do you remember someone else and yourself sharing some brief connection with the balls that lie (Well...The set in your head)...Do you remember faces... Places... Events... Why... A baby...So I have to ask myself: Will this kid grow up and remember me... Is my face permanently etched into his/her brain forever albeit locked away for reasons unknown until the reason is supposed to be known... Maybe we're all each other's angels...(I hate typing the word ...angels... because for some reason my fingers always want to type ...angles......Ever happen to you... Didn't think so...)...Was that kid's look into my eye a wake up call or a curse... Hmmm... Its just very odd...Especially since I only like kids with ketchup...That kid knew something about me that perhaps I don't even know about myself...Maybe I'll be his/her savior...Or killer...In a few different ways... If I was his/her savior, how could I be... Maybe I'll actually amount to something that will inspire him/her to do something with perhaps a gift that he/she never discovered until they somehow reached inside of his/herself to dig out whatever that gift may be...Does that make sense... Or maybe I'll influence him/her to do drugs, make sacrifices, and have premarital sex leading to an overdose, an accidental ritual, or aids... Or maybe I won't be anything...Maybe he/she was looking at me because they know that I'm just another peg...Another cog...Another marshmallow in the Krispies... You know the rant from a while back about how babies know it all... Maybe that's what this scenario was all about and that's another part of the reason that its haunting me on a Tuesday night...Or maybe I'm thinking too much again... I just know that I'm really, really tired...Of a lot of things...And the kids know it...I'm doing it for the kids...Not really... I think I can, I think I can...Up the hill...Look into the gaze of doom...I have been told that I have seductive eyes...Do you think they were seductive when I was a baby and someone else stared into the gaze of doom... Does anyone wake up... Does anyone sleep... Does anyone really see what's going on... I don't think so... I haven't been to the eye doctor for years...I think my prescription needs updated... |
So I was wrong...Survivor...Reality shows...Really
are reality...In an alternate dimension...In
a different reality...Reality...Bites...Fuck
Winona...She's a whore anyway...
So another week down...How many more to go... Not quite sure...I've grown a beard and I must say that I look so macho and manly that I'm not sure how any bitches would be able to withstand my manly, macho charms...
Little birdie...What are you saying... You want me to learn how to fly... You want me to know more than I should know... You want me to fly away... Or how about this... Why not just push me out of the nest before I totally know how to fly......That would be alright...Its how I learn how to do most of the meaningless activities in my life...
Work...Its all work...Everything is work...Just different degrees...Luckily, I have an amazing degree from the fine institution of Giveusyourmoney University that I still owe a fuck load of money to (What a clever name for a school...I can't remember what the school...s mascot was though)...So nice of them to not give a fuck about me then, but now they mail me shit all of the time since I...m important and an alumni...Oh...They also want more money...Motherfuckers...
Don't go to school kids...Drop out...Get everyone around you pregnant...get a good drug habit...And woship lord Satan...
Did I mention that I was an amazing Radio/TV major with a religion minor... Came in handy in life...Considering that I wouldn't even have the job I have right now if it wasn't for a friend hookin' me up...(thanks Tall Wonder!)...
Reality...The reality of debt...College...Everywhere you go, you must study everything...Study the surroundings...Study the competition...Study your friends...Study your enemies...Study those that are your frienemies...
I just wanna' bang...On these drums all day...Dolph Lundgren was better......You will lose.........I will break you......
I wanna' play metal...I wanna' scream...I wanna' bleed...I have poison ivy...On my penis...Not really...Everywhere else though...Itch...I...ve got many different itches...If you wanna... scratch one, email me at chris@sindust.com...You whore...Just kidding...Can I rub jelly all over your tits... NO... Why not... G'ma!
I'm so going to hell...And I know this...I'm trying to prepare for it now...I'm coming to the terms and reality of it...Figure I'll try to have some demons in my pocket before I actually get there...I already have a bag packed...
Have I given up... In some ways, yes...In some ways, I have to jump out of the plane without a chute...Just to see what happens...I'm sure it would be quite a rush...
So many stories...So many twists and turns...And you thought I was complicated...I'm not...I'm really not...
I wish life was as simple as the proverb (whatever the fuck that means...Just because I was a religion minor doesn...t mean a motherfuckin... goddamned thing)that I will now make up:
Eat the cookie and smile
Whatever the fuck that means...
How about this one instead:
Trust the guy in the mirror...Until it breaks...
That...s a lot of bad luck...I have a lot bad luck...Even though if I collected on my bets, I probably wouldn...t have to work...Wouldn...t that be nice... Just lounge around all day, get fat, lazy, smacked up, and whatever else you feel like doing...
Still itchy...I hate the reality of things...I hate that I...m actually more of a man than I...m given credit for because I don...t let stupid bullshit get to me even though my shovel is pretty full...
Petty...Pretty...Penny...At least Danny loves me...Fuckin... faggot kitty...Just kidding...
I'm doing my best...I'm working on the end...I'm still producing...I'm still in the process...Oh wait...
Fuck that...You've helped out...Everyone has...Thanks...
Reality...
Who will win...
I will...I promise...It just sucks that I'll be alone...
So another week down...How many more to go... Not quite sure...I've grown a beard and I must say that I look so macho and manly that I'm not sure how any bitches would be able to withstand my manly, macho charms...
Little birdie...What are you saying... You want me to learn how to fly... You want me to know more than I should know... You want me to fly away... Or how about this... Why not just push me out of the nest before I totally know how to fly......That would be alright...Its how I learn how to do most of the meaningless activities in my life...
Work...Its all work...Everything is work...Just different degrees...Luckily, I have an amazing degree from the fine institution of Giveusyourmoney University that I still owe a fuck load of money to (What a clever name for a school...I can't remember what the school...s mascot was though)...So nice of them to not give a fuck about me then, but now they mail me shit all of the time since I...m important and an alumni...Oh...They also want more money...Motherfuckers...
Don't go to school kids...Drop out...Get everyone around you pregnant...get a good drug habit...And woship lord Satan...
Did I mention that I was an amazing Radio/TV major with a religion minor... Came in handy in life...Considering that I wouldn't even have the job I have right now if it wasn't for a friend hookin' me up...(thanks Tall Wonder!)...
Reality...The reality of debt...College...Everywhere you go, you must study everything...Study the surroundings...Study the competition...Study your friends...Study your enemies...Study those that are your frienemies...
I just wanna' bang...On these drums all day...Dolph Lundgren was better......You will lose.........I will break you......
I wanna' play metal...I wanna' scream...I wanna' bleed...I have poison ivy...On my penis...Not really...Everywhere else though...Itch...I...ve got many different itches...If you wanna... scratch one, email me at chris@sindust.com...You whore...Just kidding...Can I rub jelly all over your tits... NO... Why not... G'ma!
I'm so going to hell...And I know this...I'm trying to prepare for it now...I'm coming to the terms and reality of it...Figure I'll try to have some demons in my pocket before I actually get there...I already have a bag packed...
Have I given up... In some ways, yes...In some ways, I have to jump out of the plane without a chute...Just to see what happens...I'm sure it would be quite a rush...
So many stories...So many twists and turns...And you thought I was complicated...I'm not...I'm really not...
I wish life was as simple as the proverb (whatever the fuck that means...Just because I was a religion minor doesn...t mean a motherfuckin... goddamned thing)that I will now make up:
Eat the cookie and smile
Whatever the fuck that means...
How about this one instead:
Trust the guy in the mirror...Until it breaks...
That...s a lot of bad luck...I have a lot bad luck...Even though if I collected on my bets, I probably wouldn...t have to work...Wouldn...t that be nice... Just lounge around all day, get fat, lazy, smacked up, and whatever else you feel like doing...
Still itchy...I hate the reality of things...I hate that I...m actually more of a man than I...m given credit for because I don...t let stupid bullshit get to me even though my shovel is pretty full...
Petty...Pretty...Penny...At least Danny loves me...Fuckin... faggot kitty...Just kidding...
I'm doing my best...I'm working on the end...I'm still producing...I'm still in the process...Oh wait...
Fuck that...You've helped out...Everyone has...Thanks...
Reality...
Who will win...
I will...I promise...It just sucks that I'll be alone...
I’m finally feeling a little better…Maybe
I had Cat Scratch Fever…Maybe girls are dirty…Maybe
cats are dirty…Maybe I’m dirty…Maybe dirt
is dirty…But at least I’m feeling a little
bit better…Of course, by saying that, I’ll
probably get sicker now…Its been about 3
weeks I think that I’ve had a cough…I’m still
addicted to Nyquil…Yum…
Being sick gets me sick…Yet still I can’t catch up…
Just worn out…About that time again…
Do you remember us?
Do you remember me?
Do you miss my long hair?
I’m gearing up to do some art projects…If I find the time…Pimpin’ ain’t easy…
I think I’ll grow my beard again…
I think I’ll have another fashion overhaul…I’m way too likable the way I look now…Just kidding…Spell check is fun…
Where does the time go?
Time flies when you’re getting old…Time flies when you have a cold…Especially the dreaded “summer cold”…
I should wear a condom on my nose…Those dreaded summer germs have gotten to me…
What’s a condom?
Another Sindust orgy…Another Sindust tragedy…Another Sindust win…Another Sindust failure…Another Sindust cold…
What if I was the virus? What if you were the virus?
We’re all the virus…We’re all the germs…Infecting yet another beautiful host…Do you have the prescription? But yet again, I’m a pussy…I don’t want to fight the germs…I’ll just let them take over me and kill me slowly because I have enough t cells to worry about the real shit that should be worried about…
If I had the virus or a real disease I probably would lay down and die…Not really because I’m a pussy, but just because I’m tired of fighting it…I’m serious…I don’t even like pills…That goes for vitamins too…I know I don’t take care of myself…Don’t you think there’s a reason for it?
Its because I’m in love with Anna…I’m in love with Disturbed because they’ve got the sickness…Not really…Ooh ah ah ah ah!…Yeah! Rock!
How can Sade really love love so much to sing about nothing but that? I don’t know…
Please kill me…You already have…You have already killed everything that was good in my healthy life…You have already attacked my good cells…Thank you Christopher…
But then again I’m a smooth operator…From coast to coast and into Chicago…
Different climates make me feel different…Cold climates make me want to curl up and die…Warm climates make me want to go for a swim…with rocks in my pocket…
Yeah, I’m that guy that has pictures of himself hanging up in his apartment…Why is that? Because I’m truly conceited? Or is it a joke? Have you been over to my place? Not enough? Too much…Have you laughed and got the joke…Apparently if you’ve come to my place…Did the germs get to you? Are you sick? Hope you’re feeling better…
Import this, export that…Hope you got it all out…hope everything is flushed out…
Let me know when you’re better…I’ll let you know when I’m better…I’ve been better…
Coke and whiskey…I’ll sing for you in a scratchy voice…I’ll sing till my throat bleeds some more…Can’t sing anyway…
I’ll just keep sippin’ on this Nyquil…Pills are good…
Look out below tummy! You might get upset…Don’t kill me (sarcasm!)
The rants seem to be getting shorter and shorter…
Probably because I don’t want to incriminate anyone…Because motherfuckers in this world are so stupid and diseased in the head that they’ll use whatever they can against whoever it is that they’re against…And for that, I’ll stop now…because motherfuckers need to learn to shut the fuck up…
Its just another sad love song…I love Toni Braxton…Can you believe that some hatin’ girls back in the day tried to tell me that Toni used to be a man? Haters…Who cares…if so…My boy is hot!
Sorry…I’m sick…Really sick…What’s up doc? Put your fingers in the barrel so it will blow back at me and take me out…Would you like to take me out? Even if I’m sick?
Watch out…I’ll try not to get you sick…No kissing…Its too personal…Just sex…Not really…I’m sick…I’m sick…Sick…sick…
I don’t want to be sick anymore…I want to be healthy…
I want everyone to be healthy…Its your choice…
Being sick gets me sick…Yet still I can’t catch up…
Just worn out…About that time again…
Do you remember us?
Do you remember me?
Do you miss my long hair?
I’m gearing up to do some art projects…If I find the time…Pimpin’ ain’t easy…
I think I’ll grow my beard again…
I think I’ll have another fashion overhaul…I’m way too likable the way I look now…Just kidding…Spell check is fun…
Where does the time go?
Time flies when you’re getting old…Time flies when you have a cold…Especially the dreaded “summer cold”…
I should wear a condom on my nose…Those dreaded summer germs have gotten to me…
What’s a condom?
Another Sindust orgy…Another Sindust tragedy…Another Sindust win…Another Sindust failure…Another Sindust cold…
What if I was the virus? What if you were the virus?
We’re all the virus…We’re all the germs…Infecting yet another beautiful host…Do you have the prescription? But yet again, I’m a pussy…I don’t want to fight the germs…I’ll just let them take over me and kill me slowly because I have enough t cells to worry about the real shit that should be worried about…
If I had the virus or a real disease I probably would lay down and die…Not really because I’m a pussy, but just because I’m tired of fighting it…I’m serious…I don’t even like pills…That goes for vitamins too…I know I don’t take care of myself…Don’t you think there’s a reason for it?
Its because I’m in love with Anna…I’m in love with Disturbed because they’ve got the sickness…Not really…Ooh ah ah ah ah!…Yeah! Rock!
How can Sade really love love so much to sing about nothing but that? I don’t know…
Please kill me…You already have…You have already killed everything that was good in my healthy life…You have already attacked my good cells…Thank you Christopher…
But then again I’m a smooth operator…From coast to coast and into Chicago…
Different climates make me feel different…Cold climates make me want to curl up and die…Warm climates make me want to go for a swim…with rocks in my pocket…
Yeah, I’m that guy that has pictures of himself hanging up in his apartment…Why is that? Because I’m truly conceited? Or is it a joke? Have you been over to my place? Not enough? Too much…Have you laughed and got the joke…Apparently if you’ve come to my place…Did the germs get to you? Are you sick? Hope you’re feeling better…
Import this, export that…Hope you got it all out…hope everything is flushed out…
Let me know when you’re better…I’ll let you know when I’m better…I’ve been better…
Coke and whiskey…I’ll sing for you in a scratchy voice…I’ll sing till my throat bleeds some more…Can’t sing anyway…
I’ll just keep sippin’ on this Nyquil…Pills are good…
Look out below tummy! You might get upset…Don’t kill me (sarcasm!)
The rants seem to be getting shorter and shorter…
Probably because I don’t want to incriminate anyone…Because motherfuckers in this world are so stupid and diseased in the head that they’ll use whatever they can against whoever it is that they’re against…And for that, I’ll stop now…because motherfuckers need to learn to shut the fuck up…
Its just another sad love song…I love Toni Braxton…Can you believe that some hatin’ girls back in the day tried to tell me that Toni used to be a man? Haters…Who cares…if so…My boy is hot!
Sorry…I’m sick…Really sick…What’s up doc? Put your fingers in the barrel so it will blow back at me and take me out…Would you like to take me out? Even if I’m sick?
Watch out…I’ll try not to get you sick…No kissing…Its too personal…Just sex…Not really…I’m sick…I’m sick…Sick…sick…
I don’t want to be sick anymore…I want to be healthy…
I want everyone to be healthy…Its your choice…
| July 6, 2004 Issue 1-I hate everyone…its true…The more
and more I breathe every day, the more and
more I wish I wasn’t breathing everyday…I
have such a bad taste in my mouth (and not
from living in Lakewood either!) from everyone…Do
you know what the night sky is? Do you know
what a bowling ball is? But not just that…Everyone…I
have such a hard time trusting anyone anymore…I
don’t even want to talk to anyone…I wish
I didn’t have such a big mouth…I wish I wasn’t
so fuckin’ funny and entertaining…I wish
I wasn’t such a pushover…But I am…I have
a terrible premonition that I’ll be either
checking in or checking out very soon…I guess
I’m a pussy…I guess I can’t hack it…Reality
is a crock of shit…Its true…I am mad…I want
to be happy…I really do…But its hard …I know
that you’re all out there laughing at me
every day tuning in to see what the fuck
I’m doing…I’ve known your diabolical scheme
from the start…I’m glad I’m entertaining…Did
you see me flip the entire world off the
other night? It was funny wasn’t it? But
I hope I’m getting good ratings…I hope the
sponsors love me…I hope there’s a secret
merchandise line that someone is making millions
off of…And I hope that person that is e |